How to Mother Yourself

Childhood trauma, feelings, grief, mothers day 2023, nurture yourself, relationships, self love, trauma

For many, there’s no one quite like mom.  Guidance and discipline surrounded in love, kindness, and compassion.  A feeling of comfort and home when around her and some melancholy when not.

For others, a relationship with mom may be complicated.  Maybe it’s distant, missing, or perhaps, she’s no longer alive – making Mother’s Day and the reminder of difficult or lost times painful.  Everything from sadness and fear to a lack of self-love and worth can stem from such pain in which learning to mother yourself can gently nurture the hole in your heart.

But how do you start?

Dr. Graves believes it starts by recognizing “none of us comes out of childhood perfectly.”  It’s impossible to be a perfect parent (we are human, after all) which means that each of us may grow into adulthood with some sort of deficit.

Sometimes, these deficits are emotionally traumatic such as feeling neglected or unheard.  When this happens, the ego can overreact in which the brain perceives it as, “you are not important or valued.”  And, if the feelings of love and safety weren’t often met in childhood, part of the brain can feel scared and unsafe well into adulthood.

In addition, traumatic experiences and death or loss of a mother can lead to a sense of abandonment and a deep fracturing of the “world as we know it.”  Life philosophies and beliefs can shatter from such circumstances, leaving one feeling lost and alone.

But such a world is not the only option.  Learning to nurture yourself as you deserve and are worthy of can develop your sense of self-love and possibly even provide grateful perspective for your unique mother-child relationship.

Nurture yourself

Is it time to start mothering yourself?  You can do it!

Dr. Graves believes it’s important to first acknowledge what has happened: traumatic experiences, what has been lost, grief for what may have never been or will no longer be, and the feelings surrounding it all. Be honest without judgment.  Often times, journaling can be an effective way to activate such a step.

Next, work to process such memories and feelings to move stuck emotional qi and work to gain clarity.

To lean into your feelings, consider:

  • having a therapeutic cry
  • walking in nature
  • making your favorite comfort meal
  • talking with a spouse, family member, or friend
  • holistic counseling
  • EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)
  • acupuncture
  • herbal supplements to calm fight or flight response
  • journaling, writing poetry, or creating art/music
  • letter writing to yourself or to your mother

And finally, recognize what you need and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Consider being kind, loving, and compassionate to yourself by:

  • creating time for spiritual connection if desired
  • participating in mind-body activities
  • finding ways to let go of judgement, guilt, or shame for feeling a certain way
  • allowing yourself space to grieve
  • resting
  • celebrating your accomplishments
  • rewarding yourself for a job well done
  • forgiving yourself

Could you use naturopathic support to mother yourself?  We are here for you.

Please call us at (303) 688-6698 or schedule your appointment here.

The CNMA office provides naturopathic care, acupuncture, testing, massage, and holistic counseling to those in Castle Rock, Castle Pines, Highlands Ranch, Lone Tree, Centennial, Parker, Larkspur, Monument, Colorado Springs, and the greater Denver metro area.  For those outside of these areas, virtual appointments are available.

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