It was a few weeks after the holidays and I just wasn’t feeling myself. Tension, impatience, and fatigue plagued me but I tried to go about my days chalking it up to cold, dreary weather, a poor diet over the past month, and the coming down from all the recent celebrations.
But when I couldn’t shake it by the end of January, I found myself sharing my personal struggle with Dr. Graves at the office one day (I’m a behind the scenes team member). Thinking he would recommend acupuncture or a certain herbal supplement to get me out of my funk, he shocked me with his suggestion…
a microdose of psilocybin.
Who, Me? Psilocybin? Yeah, right!
Considering I have never even smoked a cigarette, the thought of trying a psychedelic drug was never on my radar. Why would I need to go to such “extremes” just to get back to myself?
But what happened in the following days was nothing short of life changing.
And, I’m writing to tell you about it.
Even though I knew practically nothing about this magic mushroom other than what I had watched in an online streaming fictional drama, as soon as Dr. Graves suggested psilocybin, I remembered that Colorado had decriminalized it for naturopathic medicine use last November.
Interesting, I thought, I guess I could ask a few things…
For over an hour I pummeled Dr. Graves with almost every question imaginable. How much would I take? How would I take it? What would it feel like? Would it make me sick? What are the risks? Does someone need to be with me? Would it be trippy? What would it actually do? There were just so many questions!
After exhausting both of us, I felt oddly comfortable and prepared to try it.
So, I did.
Later that day, in the comfort of my own home with my husband nearby (and my kids still at school), I took a capsule (that had been gifted to me) and waited to feel something, anything. But other than a few minutes of light tingling, I felt nothing.
Not weird, not abnormal, not different. In fact, I went about the rest of my afternoon doing household chores and preparing dinner like normal.
But something had started to change.
From my earlier interrogation, I learned that a microdose may not result in any immediate effects and that it could be the hours and days following that were most noticeable. That evening, when I started to relax from the day with an epsom salt bath, I knew something was different.
Because I felt…feelings.
I know, big deal, right? But actually, these feelings felt different. They were emotions that I had stuffed down, ignored, and compartmentalized for years and all of sudden they were gently rising. I started to write in a journal while still in the bath, and before I knew it I was tearing up and letting these feelings out in a cry so therapeutic that I would crave the same feeling in the days after. At no point did my emotions feel overwhelming or out of control and if I had not been carefully listening to my self, I could have missed it all.
And it didn’t stop there.
Dr. Graves recommended that I stay aware of any emotion that were to come up, sit with it, and move through it as much as possible in the days following my microdose. Because of this insight, I cleared my schedule as much as I could and tried to listen to my mind and body.
The next two days were spent integrating what psilocybin had done to my brain (stimulated serotonin in my frontal cortex allowing me to access and process feelings). Sure, it was uncomfortable to work through this (as Dr. Graves had warned me it could be), but it was so healing that it was actually enjoyable at times.
For example, the first thing I noticed the next day was a need to release anger. I originally found this very odd as I don’t often get angry. However, I went with it and decided to swim to work through it. And I swam like I never had before. There are no words to describe how invigorating and therapeutic it felt to physically release this ignored emotion.
Afterwards, I had the urge to share my feelings with someone. I immediately contacted a dear friend who met up with me that afternoon. While I shared, she simply listened (which is exactly what I needed so I could work through things on my own) and afterwards we decided to have some fun with foot massages, shopping, and a sweet treat.
I hadn’t felt that carefree in eons. And it felt wonderful.
Ultimately, after a few days of journaling, therapeutic sharing, and personal contemplation, I had realizations that were life changing. I am more aware, more compassionate, and more loving to myself than ever before. And I feel I have psilocybin to thank for that.
I finally feel back to myself…a self that maybe I hadn’t been in a very long time.
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This is one story about psilocybin and her experience is not guaranteed. Effects may vary among individuals and this sharing is for educational purposes only.
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The CNMA office provides naturopathic care, acupuncture, testing, massage, and holistic counseling to those in Castle Rock, Castle Pines, Highlands Ranch, Lone Tree, Centennial, Parker, Larkspur, Monument, Colorado Springs, and the greater Denver metro area. For those outside of these areas, virtual appointments are available.
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